In the past few years I have wished in many instances that I could press the rewind button. I wish I could fix the mistakes I made in the past. Not have to go through the pain my mistake caused to myself and those who are unfortunate enough to know my careless side. A side that thinks people will love and care for me no matter how much I hurt them. I now have learned from my mistakes, but I feel I learned too late. It still stings to learn. So all I can do is move on and hope that I have peoples forgiveness. Hope that their view of me is that I am only a human and humans make mistakes. That what I did was a mistake.
What have I really learned? Be friendly to everyone from start to finish, be honest when someone asks of your emotions, and evaluate your situations( is this really what I want? should I turn down something better even if my current something is flawed, but I think it's what I need?)
When I meet someone new and I experience that first year with them I think things will never change. They will always stay in the same mindset with the same goals. That is false. People change their minds, emotions, and goals everyday.
This writing sounds broad and confusing, but what I am trying to say is value your friends everyday and keep up with how you feel about each other, because maybe one they will find that you were never worth it and drop you just when you finally realized where you went wrong in the relationship. They do not care anymore, they moved on already, you hurt them, and they got away.
Sometimes I care a lot and other times I could care less when I should care more.
I have come to the conclusion that I cannot take what I dish out, but at least when what I have given comes back to me I can feel how they felt and understand that what I did was wrong and cruel. I am selfish.
-Alexa Z
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