Do not Take People for Granted

In the past few years I have wished in many instances that I could press the rewind button. I wish I could fix the mistakes I made in the past.  Not have to go through the pain my mistake caused to myself and those who are unfortunate enough to know my careless side. A side that thinks people will love and care for me no matter how much I hurt them. I now have learned from my mistakes, but I feel I learned too late. It still stings to learn. So all I can do is move on and hope that I have peoples forgiveness. Hope that their view of me is that I am only a human and humans make mistakes. That what I did was a mistake.

  What have I really learned? Be friendly to everyone from start to finish, be honest when someone asks of your emotions, and evaluate your situations( is this really what I want? should I turn down something better even if my current something is flawed, but I think it's what I need?)

When I meet someone new and I experience that first year with them I think things will never change. They will always stay in the same mindset with the same goals. That is false. People change their minds, emotions, and goals everyday.

This writing sounds broad and confusing, but what I am trying to say is value your friends everyday and keep up with how you feel about each other, because maybe one they will find that you were never worth it and drop you just when you finally realized where you went wrong in the relationship. They do not care anymore, they moved on already, you hurt them, and they got away.

Sometimes I care a lot and other times I could care less when I should care more.

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot take what I dish out, but at least when what I have given comes back to me I can feel how they felt and understand that what I did was wrong and cruel. I am selfish.
                                                         
                                                                                                                                        -Alexa Z

Journal Entry: May 29th 2015 Fainting From Rat Dissection

   So this was the first time I have ever seen an animal open with all of it's guts and organs displayed. And I suppose it was overwhelming for me and I just was in too much shock. Here's the story my Biology teacher had to demonstrate and explain the procedure of dissecting the white rat. And then after the weekend we would do it ourselves with a partner the next time we have our exam for Biology. For some strange reason I confused rat with mouse, so when she brought out the rat I thought it was so huge. It was already pre-cut and soaked in water with dye on it's organ that looked like blood. Just like my other classmates I stared at it and thought it was gross. After a few minutes of listening and watching the organs get picked at I started feeling really hot and then sweaty. I thought maybe I need to go outside, puke, or get some water. But I only stood there and watched till the near end. Soon I saw white stars from the side of my eyesight. I knew that I was going to probably pass out so I turned to my friend Autumn and told her "I am going to pass out". So I was told I stood there turned toward her for a few seconds till the demonstration ended and everyone left to the front of the classroom. Then I fainted. But I felt like I just decided to lay down for a second to rest or whatever. After that weirdness I shot up realizing I need to get back to class. Once I woke up Autumn and my teacher were taking me outside. So I sat there with my teacher and Autumn while my vision comes back. Autumn got me my water from my back pack and my teacher called the school nurse. The bell rang for 3rd period and all my classmates piled out and Autumn left with them. Then the nurse arrived with the wheelchair. That ride to the nurses office was so embarrassing. I tried to smile at the people I knew but the rest of the time I put my head down. She called my mom and explained what happened. I stayed and rested there all through 3rd period(Art Class) and then left for 4th period because since it's the end of the school so I have to be in my classes to prepare for exams. In 6th period, AP European History I learned what really happened when I fainted. No else but Autumn saw me faint . Apparently I was just standing there as everyone including the teacher left and migrated to the front of the classroom. She told me it really scared her. (I thought it was hilarious that I fainted at school) I got extremely pale, my lips were the white and my face had a yellowish color. Then I started shaking violently then quietly fell down almost hitting my head on the tile ,but luckily Autumn caught me. She had to yell Mrs.________ Alexa fainted! I was out for 10-15 seconds before I shot up and started saying "did I pass out?" "I did not pass out" And then you know the rest. It turns out I had a convulsion which can be a non-epileptic seizure. So yeah I had a seizure in class. It's pretty funny even though Autumn thought I might be seriously hurt or dying.